My Melancholy Blues
by Akari Kou
Summary: Love always has two sides. It can at the same time help you shoulder burdens which would not exist without it. Has been submitted to a writing challenge on GaeanIllusiondotcom. Eries oneshot. Very much angst. In other words: my usual stuff ...


_hi! this is my submission to a writing challenge set up on gaianillusiondotcom. the task was to write a one-shot with any plot and any setting, as long as it featured any pairing with eries and a male character._

_ever since i watched the series, this is how i imagined eries' love life. i've been convinced from the beginning on that this is how she feels, and this is who she feels about. maybe this constellation is a bit threadbare, but i just didn't think it right to set her up with anybody else. _

_The title, My Melancholy Blues, has been taken from one of my favourite songs from Queen. _

_**i don't claim any rights concerning any of the characters introduced in this story; they belong to kawamori – sensei and co. I also don't claim any rights concernign Queen or any of their songs or texts; those belong to Queen and EMI. the plot is my creation, so please no plagiarism. if you find any language mistakes, please tell me and i'll be glad to correct them.**_

_and now as usual, on with the show! cheers, akari_

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**My Melancholy Blues**

by Akari Kou

_

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**I** love him._

I hate him.

I know most people consider it impossible to love and hate somebody at the same time, but for me it is a cruel reality.

The man I am in love with, and whom I hate from the bottom of my soul is an angel., is a devil. My everything and my nothing. Heaven and hell. Fall and Favour.

His looks alone are able to make any girl fall to their knees. Long golden hair, a fair countenance, baby blue eyes, so innocent... yet so piercing. Athletic body, sharp features. Courtious manners and a most gentle soul.

His name is Allen Shezar, and he's the epitome of every woman's knight in shiny armour.

**   
T**his is probably the reason why he was able to capture all of King Aston's daughters' hearts with a single glance.

And this is the first reason why I hate him.

**   
I** hate him because he has single-handedly ruined my happiness as well as both my beloved sisters'.

My name is Eries Aston. Since my elder sister Marlene died, I am the eldest of King Aston's children and his official heir. It is my responsibility to reign over my country once Father will have crossed the line to the Other World.

Yes, I am Marlene's successor in every possible way. Her office fell on me as well as her damned infatuation for this blonde, blue-eyed man.

**   
F**airly well do I remember the day when it happened . Father had arranged a tournament to which he invited every Gaian knight. The winner should be honoured by the title Knight Caeli of Asturia and be awarded a leading position in the Asturian army. To be precise, it was the post of the Leader of the Royal Guard.

Unfortunately for us all, Allen participated.

From the first moment I laid my eyes on him, I was irrevocably spellbound. Everybody was. Impossible to escape the charms of a young and handsome man in a gleaming armour who won every single duel of the day with ease and insurmountable grace.

With smooth and effectice movements he danced around his adversaries. I had always hated tournaments because of the unnecessary bloodshed that went along with them. This time, however, I was not disgusted, not even when he accidentally decapitated one of his opponent with his lance.

Full of fascination I watched the seperated limb hover through the air and land on the floor with a dull thud. Absolute silence spread amongst the watchers. Blood was seeping out of the helmet and coloured the pearl-coloured sand crimson, and all I thought was how fitting a background it was for his angel-like appearance.

He yanked off his helmet and stared at the mess in shock . His hair was billowing in the breeze and all I could see was the extraordinary brilliance the exercise had given his teint. A spark of strange perverted triumph shone in his eyes, but all I did think of was what a strong sense of compassion he had to possess when the sight of his adversary's blood upset him so much.

My insides felt warm, my cheeks started glowing and my mind was full of him. I knew something significant was happening.

I was helplessly fallen in love with him.

**   
O**f course I was perfectly aware that it was considered highly inappropriate for a member of the royal family to meddle with lower-ranked persons, and although Shezar had been promoted to nobility, a relationship with him was totally out of question.

My sisters and I had already been promised to men my parents had chosen as future spouses, and never in my life did I even think of jeopardizing these arrangements. You see, in our society it is a tradition to arrange children's weddings as long as they're still in their cradles. Nobody ever complains about it, and usually parents take good care to choose suitable partners.

Until I heard of my fianc's death a few years ago, I never once questioned the loyalty I owed him and Father. I had been brought up in the belief that, in a future king or queen, loyalty should be valued most in life.

This is why I hid my feelings for Shezar and suffered quietly.

**   
A**s much as it hurt to watch Allen and realize at the same time that my love for him would always be unrequited and impossible, I found a little solace in the knowledge that I was doing my duty. Although the power of being able to spare my family the mortification of an inappropriate attachment did not wholly make up for the wretched turn my first love took, I was content and prepared to bear with my fate.

I'd be in the lucky position to be able of watching Allen quietly from afar and rest assured that I was acting correctly, and I was confident that, for my familys sake, my sacrifice was worth it.

**   
A** small cry from Millerna jerked me out of my daze. Obviously terrified out of her wits by the display of bloody reality that enrolled in front of our eyes, she buried her head in my lap and started to sob, and I quicky had to shake off the stupor Allen's presence had put me into and attend her.

Soothing Millerna proved to be more difficult than expected, so I decided to turn to Marlene. She loved children, and her sweet and temperate behaviour made it far easier for her to cope with our youngest sibling's little whims and conniptions than my own cold reservedness. A strong bond connected her with Millerna, and usually the child would have run to her for comfort. As to why she now came to me, I had no clue.

It didn't even rise my suspicion when I finally found Marlene. She was standing on the balcony which presided over the tournament field. Her glance was fixed on Shezar, and in her face I found an expression I had never seen her wear.

Commitment. 

Longing.

Desire.

The thought that my composed sister might have felt something so raw and untamed should have given me a warning, although at that time I didn't know much about love. I had not yet learned that it could be as powerful as to render the most compliant specimen of women uncontrollable.

Innocent as I was back then and with senses not heightened by love's ugly twin sister called jealousy, I missed the fact that Marlene went to Father and pleaded with him to declare Allen Shezar the winner. I didn't realize that she claimed his services more often than any of us. I wasn't aware of the fact that she and Allen started dancing around each other like butterflies, and that they finally began courting each other.

This is also why Marlene's relationship with him caught me completely off-guard. When I found out about their tryst (I accidentally walked in on them kissing in a dark corner of the storage room), I was devastated. Never in my life had I imagined that Marlene, my idol from early childhood on, would be capable of taking away my crush boy. Never did I think that she might someday be acting against all these beliefs we had been brought up with.

**   
B**y giving in to Shezar, she defied all values our family stood for. In two ways, I was deeply disappointed. I hurt for my own sake, because someone took what I considered mine, and to top it all, it was my beloved sister who stole the man of my dreams.

What felt worse, however, was the fact that my sister disgraced herself in such a way. She behaved in a manner I was ashamed of, and I felt her misbehaviour as if I myself had committed it. I was convinced that Marlene's delicate conscience must have told her that she did her family an injustice, and I suffered under her prospect of living with her loss of self-respect until her untimely death more acutely than she did, because neither did I find forgetfulness in death nor did I enjoy the advantages of a love to make it up for.

My high opinion of Marlene crumpled, and so did my heart. That my elder sister even went so far as to be unfaithful to her husband and give birth to Shezar's child didn't even affect me anymore, because on the day I watched her with Shezar, my heart turned to stone.

**   
N**o one can imagine the extent of my fear and pain as, years later, I watched Millerna develop the same weakness for the Knight Caeli, and make the same mistake her eldest sister had done. History repeated itself and I was once again rendered a helpless watcher.

In no way did I have enough influence on my obstinate younger sister, and I couldn't even count on the strong sense of justice and her consciousnes of her duties as I could on Marlene's.

The end of my futile attempt to remind her of her resposibilities is well-known. A most unhappy breach took place, and Millerna followed Allen Shezar into battle. Shezar fell in love with the woman from the Mystic Moon, and my sister ended up unhappy with the man she was supposed to marry.

The Knight Caeli never brought any of my sisters luck. He was the reason that Marlene died a disgrace, and that Millerna was, and still is, leading an unhappy marriage. Sometimes I wish he'd never been born. He is the reason why I can't love anybody else.

**   
A**nyway, my case is lost. I don't find myself capable of wishing him any bad.

Because I still love him. Love him and hate him.

Never in my life will I find peace and contentment in love. I can't have Shezar, because there are many reasons whích forbid a marriage.

My loyalty to my sisters is one of these reasons. Loyalty to my duties is the only thing that kept me alive during the last years. They are my lifeline. I can't just let go of them.

In addition I have never been someone who is used to wearing her heart on her sleeve. Future queens have to be careful what they are saying in public. I have always been reserved, this is why I prefer keeping my feelings to myself.

Another reason is that Shezar doesn't love me back. He loves the woman from the Mystic Moon, who, coincidentally, seems to love him back. He gets everything, while I have nothing.

**   
T**hus I will go on with my life, doing the things that I have been doing for the last decades. I will pine for my first love. I will watch him become happy. I will, as thoroughly as possible, take care for his parents' graves. This is where I occasionally meet him, and in this way I will be as close to him as possible.

Over the years, I have grown strong.

I will be able to cope.

Because I love him.

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**End**

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